The Ides of March - another Hollywood Masturbation Opus

Though I had seen no previews or read anything about the film, last night I watched The Ides of March based on the suggestion of a friend. I was told it was somehow about presidential elections or something and, after seeing it, the "or something" is the description which best fits. 

Time: Democratic Primaries in March (the ides of March, get it?)

Place: Ohio. 

Characters: 

George Clooney as Gov. Morris, the top contender for the ticket, a man with a vision he actually believes in and refuses to compromise on. "I said I wouldn't make compromises like that and I mean it!" 

 Ryan Gosling as Stephen Meyers, Morris' press secretary, who despite being experienced with the campaign world ("I've been involved with more campaigns than people who are 40!") has swallowed Morris' Kool-Aid and isn't sure if Morris will win, but knows he has to win.

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Paul Zara, campaign manager, a man who smokes a lot and makes seemingly deep proclamation about life and politics.

Paul Giamatti as the campaign manager for "the other guy", who also makes deep proclamations - must be part of the job.

Marisa Tomei as Ida Horowitz, a sassy, cynical reporter for the Times (I assume New York?) who will do anything in order to get the big scoop. You know she is a seasoned reporter because of her large, dark-framed glasses and messy hair. Not a clichéd character at all!

Oops! Almost forgot Evan Rachel Wood, who plays Molly, an intern working Morris' campaign, who, much like her Showgirls namesake, gets fucked, literally and figuratively.

Let us begin at the beginning, where thirty minutes into the movie I had to ask myself, "What is the plot of this damn thing?" Up to that point the movie revolved around snappy "in-the-know" one-liners about Washington politics (I was almost convinced that K Street is the only street in DC) and a campaign wish-list spouted by Clooney, um, Gov. Morris: abolish the death penalty; mandatory youth service, which then pays for college; pro-choice; elimination of the internal combustion engine in ten years (yes, this was actually said!); no reliance on foreign oil; and pulling ours heads out the (Saudi Arabian) sand. What reality does this movie exist in? I have no idea, but it is not K Street. Nevertheless, I felt the movie was going the of that other Hollywood masturbation great, Lions for Lambs, which was, of course, a lecture by Robert Redford. A thin plot eventually unfolds: Meyers sleeps with Molly, finds out she is pregnant from a one-night stand with the illustrious governor; she gets an abortion; she kills herself. In the meantime, Meyers meets with the enemy (Giamatti) and is subsequently fired by Zara for this betrayal. Meyers then has to maneuver himself back into the campaign. 

No Peeking!

Years ago, when my sisters and I were much younger, our parents protected our innocent minds by ordering us to "cover our eyes" during nude or partially-nude scenes in movies. Though for them "cover your eyes, kids!" seemed like a declaration all parents should make in order to keep their children ignorant about sex and sexuality for as long as possible, for the three of us it was code for, "just look through your fingers!" I can remember many movie scenes viewed this way, though I can't always remember the movie the scenes were attached to.

Now that I am 29 I no longer have to cover my eyes to protect an innocence long shattered; however, the choice is not always mine. Movie theaters in Kuwait are all owned and operated by the Kuwait National Cinema Company (also known as Cinescape), which is responsible for editing offensive or inappropriate scenes from movies, including love scenes and kisses. I knew of this practice in theory and saw in practice when Seth and I went to see Terminator: Salvation. You know that part in the beginning when Sam Worthington and Helena Bonham Carter's characters kiss? Well, I can only assume they kiss because one moment they're talking and, after an odd jump, are talking again. It's no big deal, really: what do kisses and love scenes add to a plot, anyway? So when Seth and I went to see Avatar last week we were told that two scenes were cut out but thought nothing of it.

Until the first cut came during nothing romantic, but a fight scene when alien wolf-like things are being killed. I was caught off guard, but whatever, right? Until 30 minutes or so later the screen suddenly went white. What the fuck, I thought, is something wrong with the film? We could hear the movie, only the picture was mysteriously missing. The white screen went away after a couple of minutes, yet returned during the mating scene. Again, we heard the movie but the screen remained obscured. Impatient and irritated I turned my attention towards the projection booth - and saw the man there holding a piece of paper in front of the projector. Seriously. A random fight scene was edited but when two characters "make their bond" all that's needed is a sheet of paper to uphold Islamic law and custom.

And the worst thing about it? I couldn't even peek.